So I want to let everyone on a guilty pleasure of mine. I enjoy reality TV. And It’s all my wife’s fault. Not really, I enjoy entertainment… And reality TV is, well, entertaining, and crazy weird. And I love it. One show that I’ve always watched (for the most part) is the Bachelor or Bachelorette franchise. It’s over done, there’s a lot of crying, the whole nine, and yes I watch it like I’ve watched professional wrestling my entire life. So while I have a little more free time during the late spring and summer before the “good” crazy returns (High School, college football), I decided that I’ll chat each week about JoJo and this season of the Bachelorette. It’s sort of like a stream of consciousness with added commentary from my better half. So without further ado…
Bachelorette episode 1
The dudes (quick synopsis with added quick hitters from the wife):
Jordan-hugged and held hands with her… Told a mom dad story… She told em he looked amazing…. And told him he’s hot. Aaron Rodgers brother. He will be hated on as long as he’s on the show. Count on it.
Derek- commercial banker… Threw out some one liners.
Grant- man… Threw out a one liner… Saying he’s not going to fall in love with two girls deal… Too deep to soon in my opinion.
James- boxing club owner… Said he came for a relationship… Not a rose… Uh huh.
Robby- competitive swimmer… He came with wine. He’s a favorite early on for that gesture, and they drank out the bottle. Like for real drank out the bottle before even stepping inside he house. Bonus points there. And JoJo said mom would like em. 10/10 for Robby. Nailed it
Alex- marine… He should be a finalist period for what he does for our country.
Will- was waiting for the first quirky dude… He brought cards… And tried to be funny… Wife says called him captain awkward.
Chad- wife immediately says “Heyyyy chad” meaning he’s great looking… He talked very low. Taking low tells me you know you think you’re elite.
Daniel- Canadian. Threw out the “dang Daniel” social media deal.
Ali- bartender. Wife says … He has crazy eyes… And he had high water pants. Doesn’t look good Ali.
James Taylor- singer… Songwriter… Wife doesn’t believe he has a job. He brought a guitar. And sang. And played more. We shall see.
Jonathan- he wore a kilt. Rowdy rowdy piper… He threw out a man region joke. Dunno about it.
Break from introductions and cut scenes to inside the house:
* all the guys hated on Jonathan from the jump… Haters everywhere… Which means he probably stays.*
*james Taylor continues to play guitar*
Back to dude intros out of the limousine:
Saint Nick- for real. A dude wore a Santa Claus outfit. No chance he makes it. Thanks for playing.
*wife likes Chad at this point. Likes his dry humor*
Chase- comes with a I “mustache you a question” but I will “shave it later”… Uh….
Rapid fire dudes in succession (not a ton of time here):
Sal- another male region joke
James S-bachelor super fan. Wife says that equals stalker.
Nick S- did the splits. Nah man.
Vinny- toast. he brought a piece of toast. Like toast that I want to throw some jelly on. Hmm…
Evan- he brought a heart pillow
Wells- imposter Ben (from last seasons Bachelor) the wife says.. BUT.. he brought a quartet… AND IT WAS ALL-4-ONE. THEY SANG I SWEAR. AUTOMATICALLY IN THE FINALS.
Christian- rode in on a motorcycle.
Luke- War Vet. Automatically in the finals, and rightfully so for his service for our country. Unicorn horse and all.
*we skipped the rest of the show and got to the important part. Final rose ceremony.*
Dudes who got roses:
Chad-Wife says for the zillonith time, “HEYYY Chad… I mean… I like him a lot.” Think I got wife.
Saint Nick- HE FOR REAL MADE IT.THE DUDE IN THE DIRTY SANTA SUIT MADE THE CUT. SOCIETY IS DOOMED.
And the Final Rose goes to…..
Afterwards all the dudes hug it out
Dude with the kilt upset with Saint Nick getting a rose…
So there’s that.
On to episode 2.