Life ain’t all about blue berries and paper airplanes. 

We pick up with Chris Harrison telling Chad he has to apologize.
“Sup,” Chad says as he walks back into the house.
Chad makes an apology.

“You ripped my shirt!” Evan says.
Uhh… who cares dude.
Anywho… Chad apologizes and says he will be respectful of everyone.

Pool Party:

JoJo comes to the house…

“She doesn’t like him (Chad) at all,” wife chimes in.

I can see that.
Guys doing guy stuff. Diving in pools and indulging in adult beverages.
Evan bleeds. He’s embarrassed.
Jordan (Aaron Rodgers brother) has a one on one.

Wife thinks they go good together.

“You’re just so smooth,” JoJo says.

Wish Jordan woulda just said… Shoot it’s God given. But I digress.

They kiss.
Chad has a one on one.

“Man, you’re lathered up,” says JoJo.

GET CHAD A HAM PLATE STAT!!!!!
“Why do they all have these stupid necklaces on,” wife asked.

Microphones wife. Microphones.

“They’re still stupid they look like those puka shell necklaces from the 90’s,” wife continues.
Chad pulls Derek to the side.

Derek is scared of Chad. Like he can’t talk. Like taking breaths while trying to talk while Chad states a hole through him.

CHAD RUNS THE HOUSE.
Rose ceremony (guys who made the cut):

GRANT THE FIREFIGHTER

Derek

Jordan (Aaron Rodgers brother)

Luke

Robby
Sorry… Wife chimes in “who’s James F? This is my first time seeing him.”
Ok back to the ceremony
Wells

James F.

Vinny

Daniel (Chad’s bro)

Alex (The Marine)
Final Rose goes to…. CHADDDDDDD

HAHAHAHAHHAAHHAAHAHHAHAAHAHAH

 
Wife on Nick B:

“I don’t even know who some of these guys are. They are like wallpaper.”
JoJo says the dudes are leaving the house for good and heading to… Pennsylvania!???
Bachelorette people. Why. Pennsylvania.

YOU WERE IN LA!!!!!!!
*sigh*

But then… The dudes are goin “muddin”
Definition of “muddin”: Get a jeep or truck. Drive crazy in mud. The end.
And then….

“Chad smiled! He looks so happy!”
WHY WIFE. WHY.
“And squid worth (GRANT THE FIREFIGHTER) has jeggings (jeans slash leggings) on.”
Good one wife.
Date card #1 goes to Luke (war vet):

I love you so “mush”the date card says.

They go to a hot tub.

They chat. Luke puts in his Mack Daddy mouth piece and throws out some one liners.

He’s a war vet. He should be automatically in the finals.

While at dinner… Luke discusses his life. And his life in the military. Got deep real quick. His friend was killed in Afghanistan. Deep. He deserves kisses from JoJo from now till next summer. And you DANG RIGHT HE GOT A ROSE.

And then Dan +Shay come out. And there’s smoke.. And Luke and JoJo slow dance while about 100 people watch. These Bachelorette folks just pull musicians out the wood work!
*my two cents: Luke and Jordan the last two standing*

 
Date card #2 (group date):

Derek

James T

Daniel

Chase

Wells

Vinny

James F

Evan

Grant

Jordan

Robby
“We could go all the way” the date card says.
They head to Heinz field and hang out with Hines Ward and Bret Keisel and Ben Rolthisberger

They do football drills. James T (guitar dude) gets cut. They wrap his head like he’s in a MASH unit.

Jordan is the all time quarterback. He should be. He can actually professionally throw a football.

And Evan has a bloody nose again. I know y’all were all shocked. But he looked like he could catch a football. So he got a pass from me.

Play of the game… Derek takes away the football away and wins for the Blue team., which gets the team alone time with JoJo later in the night.
Robby goes in! Throws JoJo on the pool table.. Wutttttt… Do it then Robby.
The rose goes to…..

Jordan. The quarterback. JoJo REALLY like em. One of the final two for sure.
THE MAIN EVENT:

Alex (Marine) vs CHADDDDDDDD

Two men enter. One man leaves.

They should both just fight in the woods and throw boulders at each other, and fight with logs.
JoJo and the boys take a hike. Alex gets first crack at talking with JoJo. And talks about Chad. Ya know, instead of talking about being with JoJo… Alex decides to talk about Chad. Not a good move… Or so I thought…
Chad has his one on one. JoJo confronts him about threatening people.
“I mean, JoJo what do you want from Chad!” Wife yells.
WHY WIFE. WHYYYYY

 

Back to Chad and Alex.

“Life ain’t all about blue berries and paper airplanes,” Chad says.

Knowledge Chad. Drop that knowledge.

 

Alex wasn’t having it.
In the end… JoJo went with… Alex!

Chad fuming.
Back at the house some bearded dude takes Chad’s bag… Dudes in the house go bonkers. Like they won a world championship.
Chad is outside in the woods. This feels like a scary movie. It appears that Chad walks 4,432 miles back to the house, P-O’ed all the way there. I bet he knocked out about 300 push ups AND sit ups for every 10 miles.

Chad knocks on the door at the house… Guys inside are nervous…
We have to wait till June 20th.
LETS JUST CALL IT CHADS REVENGE.

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