Five to watch

The majority of the College Football season begins this week, and as always there’s are some unreal talents in and around the country. Just for the heck of it, I wanted to give you five guys that are must watch to start the first few weeks of the College Football season.

Disclaimer: There are way more than five guys that are uber talented. So just because my list doesn’t roll with your list, doesn’t mean that other players aren’t worthy (glad to get that out of the way).

 

Five To Watch (No certain order):

 

 

Deshaun Watson (Clemson QB)

(Source:Youtube/JustBombsProductions)

I’m not going to pretend that I can give you every nuance about prospect evaluation, etc, but outside of Matt Ryan, Andrew Luck, Jameis Winston, Cam Newton, he’s one of the best college/NFL QB prospect I’ve been able to watch live and/or on TV.

First QB to throw for 4,000, and run for another 1,000. 478 total yards in a losing effort in the National Championship game. If he were eligible for the draft this past cycle, he would have went first overall.

 

Lamar Jackson (Louisville)

(Source:Youtube/JustBombsProductions)

No disrespect to Stefan Lefors, Brian Brohm, Hunter Cantwell from Louisville, or Ryan Mallett, but this is the best QB Bobby Petrino has had as a a Head Coach. Jackson is pure electric, and as he finally held on to the starting job last year, he flourished in the read option game. Darkhorse Heisman winner. Wouldn’t be shocked. Leading Louisville to the College Football Playoff? Wouldn’t be surprised in the least bit.

 

Christian McCaffrey (Stanford)

(Source: Youtube/JustBombsProductions)

A complete and utter savage. 2,019 rushing yards. 3,864 all-purpose yards last season. If I had a Heisman vote last season, he would have been my winner. How in the heck he improves on those gaudy numbers this season, I have zero clue. But I’m excited to watch and find out.

 

Josh Rosen (UCLA)

(Source: Youtube/JustBombsProductions)

In this day and age of College Football, it’s hard as heck to be the starter at a Power five program as a TRUE freshman. Josh Rosen got the nod from Jim Mora, and Rosen showed why he was so coveted out of High School. His personality may rub some the wrong way, but throwing for over 3,000 yards and 20 plus touchdowns will  make any NFL franchise forget about that if he keeps up his progression. He’s really, really good.

Leonard Fournette (LSU)

(Source: Youtube/YoungMayo)

If anyone wants to say “Well he didn’t do anything when he played Alabama”, fine. Just don’t be the crazy person to say he isn’t great in the college game. 4 games of over 200 yards rushing. 3 games of at least 3 touchdowns. Only two games (Alabama, Arkansas) that he didn’t have at least 100 yards on the ground.

 

 

Next Ten:

Dalvin Cook (FSU)

Jonathan Allen (Alabama)

Jabrill Peppers (Michigan)

Adoree’ Jackson (USC)

Calvin Ridley (Alabama)

Christian Kirk (Texas A&M)

Jarrad Davis (Florida)

Malik Jefferson (Texas)

Derwin James (FSU)

Greg Ward Jr. (Houston)

 

 

Trouble in Thailand

“What is going on,” the guys say, while on the Tarmac at the Rose Ceremony.
Me too. What is happening.
To the rose Ceremony:

Jordan

Robby

Chase
LUKE HE GONE.

DANG.

JoJo upset. 

“He’s like stunned,” wife says

I’m stunned. Stone Cold Steve Austin Stunned.

Emotional crying…. Wild.

She won’t let him get into the Limo.

“I miss you already,” Luke says

“I’m sorry,” JoJo says.

“Well if you were sorry you would have picked LUKE! GOOD DAY MA’AM GOOD DAY!” Wife yells.

Wife hot as a cayenne pepper on blacktop in the middle of July.

“I was in love with her. But I never got the Chance to love her,” Luke says in the limo.

That’s one hell of a line sir. With all that said, you’re looking at the new Bachelor.

Robby

Robby and JoJo hug at the market in Hua Hin Thailand. They eat stuff. Then a foot rub. Robby explains the ex girlfriend. She buys it. They kiss face.
They go to dinner… Robby pulls out a letter his dad wrote him. He gives it to JoJo just case she has “any doubts.” 
And here comes the Fantasy suite… And yup… he accepted.

Jordan

JoJo plans a hike. They pretend they climbed Mount Everest. Anywho… They go inside a cave.. Looked pretty cool. They can’t kiss inside the temple. 

“Jordan is that guy in college that you know is gonna cheat on you, but you hope for the best,” wife chimes in, eyes squinting with hate.

Dang wife. But then… JoJo ask

“Is this the right guy for me.”

Dang JoJo.

At dinner…JoJo and Jordan talk about the next year and what it would look like.

It’s almost like she’s feeling like he has big plans in the entertainment business… Hmm….

“I wanna spend the rest of my life with you,” Jordan says.

“Uhh, that’s what Ben told me,” JoJo responds.

Plan A didn’t work. Go to lay it on thick Plan B.

“Ever since I told you I was in love with you, when I think of that wedding date, I think about you.”

“He is running gammee,” wife says.

Ahem. Game recognizes game.

“Also ever since I saw him on Pitch Perfect Two, and he was in it, I knew that he just wants to be famous,” wife says… 

Maybe. 
He takes the Fantasy Suite. 

Chase

Rides up on a 2020 motorcycle… Cause they have those in the middle of nowhere within a beautiful country. Right.

Anywho… Chase picks up a large fish and almost gets a drop of blood in his mouth. JoJo and Chase laugh. Then play kiss face. 
Then they get on a boat. And chat on the beach. They toast… Then get into the water and play kiss face. Kiss face. Kiss face. Kiss face.

But during their date… Here comes Robby… What!?!

“I missed you,” Robby said 

Dang Robby you just gonna slide right into Chase’s date time? Dang it’s real right now. Everyone trying to get those final one liners in.

Chase and JoJo have dinner… He accepts the fantasy suite.. And tells JoJo he loves her. 

“I’m not feeling the way I should feel,” JoJo says.

It’s over Chase… Oover.

And it was. Shoulda kept that I love ya in the back pocket fella.

HE GONE.

And then there were two.

OR IS IT!?!?!?

BAH GOSH HERE COMES CHASE!!!!

(Had to channel my wrestling announcer voice).

“I care to much to let our relationship end the way it did,” Chase says.

“I’m proud of you, impressed by you, and I’m not mad at you.”

Chase basically wand a shot at love on the Bachelor. 

And one more time… HEEEE GONEEE.

Meanwhile… It’s 1,097 degrees in Thailand… Get these dudes in some AC… So give them the dang roses!!!!

She does. And we head to meet JoJo’s wild and crazy family
Jordan

Robby
A fight to the finish.

 

Hometown visits

Chase:
They head to Colorado…his mom and dad divorced… JoJo will meet them separately.. In the midst of that talk… They lock lips.

“I feel like every time she ends a sentence with a guy one on one, it ends in a kiss,” wife says. I’ll take it. Least chad hasn’t came up in the first 6 mins of the show.

Chase’s dad meets JoJo. They chat. Dad has a heart to heart with Chase. Good talk. Good piece of video right here.

Chase then meets with his moms side of he family. There’s a baby with a fake mustache. Not mad at it. Sandy (Chase mom) loves JoJo.

JoJo and Sandy talk about the divorce, and how it affected chase. Mom gives reassurance.

Chase and Sandy (Chase mom) have a heart to heart.

“Momosa (like Mimosa) just want to get your feelings on things.”

“I just fell in love with him,” wife says.

AT LEAST CHAD HAS NOT BEEN MENTIONED THUS FAR.

Mom and Chase cry and talk about how awesome JoJo is. Another good moment here. Overall a good hometown trip

CP Grade: A

Jordan:

They go to his school Pleasant Valley. They kiss in the library. He shows her all his high school pics. They discuss Aaron Rodgers. Jordan and Aaron don’t get along. Finally a talk about the other brother that just so happens to be a Super Bowl winning quarterback and one of, if not the best QB in the NFL.

They meet the folks. Literally all the Rodgers boys look EXACTLY alike.

“This is the most vanilla season of the Bachlorette ever. I’m bored,” wife chimes in.

I’m reaching that level.

So… Mom and Jordan have a talk… Mom is great. The end . Meh.

CP Grade: C

Robby:

They go on a horse and carriage ride in Florida 

“There’s dolphins!” Wife says. “You know his show’s gotten bad when I’m excited about Dolphins.”

JoJo discusses Robby’s ex girlfriend, who he just broke up with three months ago. Something tells me JoJo’s spidey sense knows something is up with Robby and the ex. They talk about the ex, Robby reassures her, they kiss face.

“End a sentence. Make out,” wife chimes in.

They meet the family.. They eat… And the wife makes me burst out laughing:
“I LOVE that mom has a Tervis wine glass. Mom has TWO wine glasses.”

“They ALL are drinking wine out of Tervis cups!”

That sequence from her may have been the best non Chad thing of the season.

JoJo and mom have a talk about the ex girlfriend. Jojo tells mom that she’s falling in love with Robby…. But then….
Mom says robby’s ex’s roommate is saying he broke up with the girlfriend to get on the show. Chase is upset. He goes and talks with JoJo about the rumors. JoJo is confused. OH THE DRAMA!!

He tells JoJo that he will never speak to his ex again.

CP Grade: B

Luke:

They head to Burnet, Texas… Luke takes JoJo to a big cookout. There are 3,456 people there. JoJo was a little overwhelmed. 

Luke and dad talk about relationships

“Luke has an amazing head of hair.”

True that wife. True that.

They head to a hay sofa and have a heart to heart.

“This looks like one of those Tommy Hilfiger ads back in the 90’s,” wife says.

And then… She says…

“I think Luke is the one. I think I’ve may have been blinded by Chad.”

THANK GOODNESS HOLY CRAP SHE LOVES SOMEONE ELSE OTHER THAN CHAD!!! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

Could Luke be the one?

And then he drops the mic with a life size flower shaped heart, with candles leading to it in the middle of the country. 

This feels like an early 2000’s romance movie type scene.

And to put the proverbial Bachelorette icing on the cake. Dan+Shay. From the Ground Up. 

“This song is EVERYTHING.”

Yes wife. It is. 

One of the best home visits ever.

CP grade: A+

FINAL ROSE CEREMONY:
But WAIT… 

“JoJo. Can I talk to you for a second,” Luke says…..

“WHAT!???” Wife yells.

WHHHHHATTTT?!? I type.

They talk. Luke says, “I’m in love with you. That’s the only thing that’s been on my mind.”

Luke threw a Hail Mary at the last minute… Can he save himself!?!? THE DRAMMAAAA!!!!!!!!!!
To BE CONTINUED!!!!!

The worse episode of the season

“1. Luke has crazy eyes.””2. Alex is the same height as I am.”
Wife.is.back.
Alex gets the first date

“I gaucho on my mind.”
And then the guy proceed to hate on Alex for getting the one on one. Go figure.
While on the bus…

98 degrees/backstreet boys rendition. STOP now.
So Alex and JoJo dress up gauchos

“Do you Remember when gaucho pants were a thing?” Wife says.
Negative.
“You look like something like a Ralph Lauren model,” Alex says.
Huh.

Then, I saw a gaucho lay a horse down. And I thought he was about to make out with the horse. AND THEN HE DID MAKE OUT WITH THE HORSE.
This is getting bad. Real quick. 
And then….

“I feel like Chad would refuse to do this.”
WHY IS CHAD IN THIS!?!? WHY!?!?
Alex tells JoJo he’s falling in love with her. She clears her throat. And when they clear their throat fellas… It’s not good.

JoJo tells Alex… Goodbye.

Date Card #2

Jordan

“Let’s toast to love.”
JoJo And Jordan go to a vineyard and crush grapes. I never want to crush grapes with my bare feet. Then drink the foot wine. I can’t deal with it.
They later talk about family, and Aaron Rodgers. Jordan and his middle brother don’t talk much. Bummer. 
Date card #3

Chase

James

Robby

“Let our love soar.”
It rains so the guys stays inside and do silly things. 

James T tried to put 3,456 French fries in his mouth.

Then. A circle massage. Then charades.
This is the worst episode of the series to date.

And then JoJo dares Robby to strip down and run through the halls of the hotel.

This is… Very bad. Like historically bad episode. 
And then James T, continues to throw jabs at Robby… For zero reason. This. Is. A. Historically bad episode.
Not much else here… The group rose goes to Robby.
Luke and JoJo ride more horses… Whew… Had to fast forward… Just couldn’t bare it.
Final Rose Ceremony:

Luke

Jordan
Final rose:

Chase
James T… He gone.
Wasted two hours of my realty tv life I won’t get back. Sheesh. On to the family dates next week.

Buenos Aries Bachlorette 

Buenos Aires

JoJo and Chris Harrison have a heart to heart. She looks great in the red dress.

Wife: “That red dress is everything.”
Three dates

Group date

One one date

And a two on one date

Date card #1 (one on one) goes to:

Wells
Wells: “I’m the only guy that hasn’t kissed her.”

Wife: “Hahahahah.”

Wife is cold blooded y’all.
The guys talk for about 87 mins about why Wells hasn’t kissed her. This is a thing.
Wife: “this is weird.”
She’s not joking. There’s two naked girls in water in a ceiling, dunno what the hell is happening.

They call this performance art.

They attempt to kiss… Wells…Kisses her on the cheek.
Wife:”that was the most awkward kiss in the history of tv.”

“And I’m obsessed with that football players (Jordan) quads.”

WILL WE HAVE A NO CHAD TALK FOR ONE NIGHT? Let’s hope America.”
They both get in the ceiling of water… And alas, he kisses her. 

“Wells is not a good kisser,”

wife chimes in.
At dinner Wells talk about the ex. JoJo basically says that he’s in the friend zone. Y’all saw it coming. Wells goes home.

Wife: “did he just wipe away imaginary tears?”

Dang.

Date card #2 (group date)

Luke

Robby

Jordan

James

Alex
The dudes go around a entertainment district… James T (guitar dude) basically says he can’t compete at anything and that he looks horrible. Man up dude. 
So James T gets a kiss courtesy of a penalty kick from a soccer game.

And then the lame saying of the entire season:
James T: “I’m on the train to I love JoJoville.”
Nah. James T. Nah.
So Luke and JoJo have a deep kiss face session.
Wife: “they need Telenovela music here.”

“And you remember that Ricky Martin and Christina aguilera song, nobody wants to be lonely? That’s what should also be playing here.”
Wife on fire.
Then… James T comes at JoJo and tattle tells on Jordan… Over a card game. For real. 

“I feel like this season should be the season of hate,” wife says… 

Agree. Why hate on another man. Just do what you can do to be the last man standing. I digress.
So then JoJo confronts Jordan… About being Jordan Rogers…and it’s about a card game. A.CARD.GAME.
And then.. Jordan confronts James T…and rightfully so… Entitlement from a card game?!? Nah James T… Take your guitar and go home man.
At the end of the date… The rose goes to…Luke… He will no doubt be one of the final two.
Date #3 (two on one date)

Derek vs Chase
And we Tango. Both guys have zero clue what to do. Me either. If I were there and had to Tango, JoJo would be injured. I also just wrote that because I was completely checked out of that segment. Made no sense.
On to the dinner… JoJo has one on one’s with both guys… And in the end… CHASE GOT THE ROSE. UPSET OF THE SEASON SO FAR. WOW.
Wife: “WUTTTTT!!!”
Derek melts down in the van. Tragic.

Rose Ceremony (only three free roses):

Robby

Jordan
Final rose:

AND JOJO LEAVES… What the WHAT?!?

wife: “this is seriously like a Telenovela.”
She give two roses out.. One to Alex and the other to James T. 
Meh.
On to next week.

Chad, ex Chad, and more Chad talk (I can’t escape him)

After a few weeks off… JoJo and the boy’s return to action…. And we begin episode 5:
The boys are hyped. Long live JoJo… Chad is dead and gone… And they break out in song… And have a protein powder funeral. “Death to tyrants,” they bark.
Then bad Chad comes back to the house. They try to bait bad Chad… Chad responds.

“The only thing I can think of is to get physical.”
Wife: “why are they having a conversation with him… He’s going home.”
Chad to Jordan: “you’ve been mad at me since I came here.”
Wife: “yeah, because you’re hot!”
*sigh*
Parting shot: “bye Chad.”
*sigh*
Another parting shot…
Wife: “you know that Chad was a marine also!??”
*sigh*
She can’t let him go.
Chase has two of those new inflatable knocked ball contraptions.
Chase says… “I guess you have to knock me off my feet again.”
Nah playa. Take that line right back to where you got it.
Then… Everybody remaining tries to get their one on one time with JoJo
Wife (shocker here): “I feel like I can see everybody now that Chad’s gone.”
HE HAS BEEN GONE FOR A FULL COMMERCIAL BREAK. HE IS NOT COMING BACK WIFE. IT IS OVER. BACHELOR IN PARADISE. AUGUST 2ND. WATCH HIM THEN.
Jordan (Aaron Rodgers brother) goes all in… In the corner. Not mad at It. Gotta get in how you fit in.
Rose ceremony:

Luke

Alex

Jordan

Derek

Robby

Chase

Wells

GRANT THE FIREFIGHTER

Vinny (Jon B lookalike)

James T (dude with the guitar)
Final Rose:

Evan (meh)

 

 

The guys are now headed to…

Uruguay
Uruguay. Grand Hotel. Not bad.
Date card (one on one):

Jordan

“Let’s deal the date, love JoJo.”
Then the guys hate on Aaron Rodgers brother. The rest of the guys must be Chicago Bears or Minnesota Viking fans. Only thing I can think of.
Back to the date…

They swim with seals. Ride a boat. Good times.

Jordan says he’s falling in love with JoJo… And then JoJo drops the bomb of knowing one of Jordan’s ex… Awkward.
He is rattled… But holds it together and throws the I was worried about my career and not her deal.
Wife: “Is it ok for me to say that wasn’t an answer?”
At this point I’m glad Chad wasn’t mentioned. We’ve had a breakthrough ladies and gentleman.
And you knew… JoJo was giving Jordan a rose. I’m betting he’s one of the final two in the finale.

And then they dance in the street.
The guys read a gossip Mag about JoJo, which said she was sneaking around with her ex. NAMED CHAD. I CANNOT GET AWAY FROM THIS DUDE.
Wife chimes in: “Chadddd.”
WHYYYYYYYY.
The producers show her the gossip magazine, and she is RATTLED. And she cries. I don’t like crying JoJo.

She talks to the guys about it. They console her.

 

Date card #2 (group date):

Luke

Derek

Chase

Even

James T

Vinny

GRANT THE FIREFIGHTER

Wells

Alex
Date card reads:

“I can’t stand to be away from you, love JoJo.”
Group date heads to some sand dunes:

SURFING ON SAND DUNES. WHY CANT WE HAVE THIS IS HUNTSVILLE. Upset about this.
Later that night.. All…ALL the dudes on the group date get their one liners in to try to get a leg up in the competition.
Wife: “This is the most boring episode.”
A) she’s right

B) AND NO CHAD WAS MENTIONED!!!!!! VICTORY!!!!!!!
Group date rose goes to:

Derek

 

Date card #3 (one on one):

Robby

Date card reads:

“Love is within our reach.”
JoJo and Robby jump off a cliff. They both magically have swim wear on. Almost like they knew they were gonna do that. Shocker.
At the dinner… Robby revels that his best friend died. Deep.

He tells her he’s falling in love with her. JoJo tongues him down. And… he gets a rose. Then they go to the beach and there’s fireworks. They kiss. Just another random walk in Uruguay and fireworks on the beach. Got it. 10-4.
Let’s pile on Derek in 3…2…1…

Alex starts in on Derek.
Wife : “Dear Regina George (Alex)

stop it. It was like if Mean Girls and the God Father had a baby. Except no one got murdered.”
Ooooo K…..
At the cocktail party

Alex talks to Robby, Chase, Alex, and Jordan.

They say there’s no click action going on against him. So there’s that.
Chris Harrison says that three guys will head home. Cue the drama music….
Final Rose ceremony:

Luke

Chase

Alex

James T (guitar dude)
Final rose goes to…

Wells
Me: “Dang, GRANT THE FIREFIGHTER IS GONE.”
Wife: “Bye Sqiudworth.”

“And bye.. Oh my T shirt is ripped EVAN!”
The hate lady. The. Hate.

See ya next week.

Life ain’t all about blue berries and paper airplanes. 

We pick up with Chris Harrison telling Chad he has to apologize.
“Sup,” Chad says as he walks back into the house.
Chad makes an apology.

“You ripped my shirt!” Evan says.
Uhh… who cares dude.
Anywho… Chad apologizes and says he will be respectful of everyone.

Pool Party:

JoJo comes to the house…

“She doesn’t like him (Chad) at all,” wife chimes in.

I can see that.
Guys doing guy stuff. Diving in pools and indulging in adult beverages.
Evan bleeds. He’s embarrassed.
Jordan (Aaron Rodgers brother) has a one on one.

Wife thinks they go good together.

“You’re just so smooth,” JoJo says.

Wish Jordan woulda just said… Shoot it’s God given. But I digress.

They kiss.
Chad has a one on one.

“Man, you’re lathered up,” says JoJo.

GET CHAD A HAM PLATE STAT!!!!!
“Why do they all have these stupid necklaces on,” wife asked.

Microphones wife. Microphones.

“They’re still stupid they look like those puka shell necklaces from the 90’s,” wife continues.
Chad pulls Derek to the side.

Derek is scared of Chad. Like he can’t talk. Like taking breaths while trying to talk while Chad states a hole through him.

CHAD RUNS THE HOUSE.
Rose ceremony (guys who made the cut):

GRANT THE FIREFIGHTER

Derek

Jordan (Aaron Rodgers brother)

Luke

Robby
Sorry… Wife chimes in “who’s James F? This is my first time seeing him.”
Ok back to the ceremony
Wells

James F.

Vinny

Daniel (Chad’s bro)

Alex (The Marine)
Final Rose goes to…. CHADDDDDDD

HAHAHAHAHHAAHHAAHAHHAHAAHAHAH

 
Wife on Nick B:

“I don’t even know who some of these guys are. They are like wallpaper.”
JoJo says the dudes are leaving the house for good and heading to… Pennsylvania!???
Bachelorette people. Why. Pennsylvania.

YOU WERE IN LA!!!!!!!
*sigh*

But then… The dudes are goin “muddin”
Definition of “muddin”: Get a jeep or truck. Drive crazy in mud. The end.
And then….

“Chad smiled! He looks so happy!”
WHY WIFE. WHY.
“And squid worth (GRANT THE FIREFIGHTER) has jeggings (jeans slash leggings) on.”
Good one wife.
Date card #1 goes to Luke (war vet):

I love you so “mush”the date card says.

They go to a hot tub.

They chat. Luke puts in his Mack Daddy mouth piece and throws out some one liners.

He’s a war vet. He should be automatically in the finals.

While at dinner… Luke discusses his life. And his life in the military. Got deep real quick. His friend was killed in Afghanistan. Deep. He deserves kisses from JoJo from now till next summer. And you DANG RIGHT HE GOT A ROSE.

And then Dan +Shay come out. And there’s smoke.. And Luke and JoJo slow dance while about 100 people watch. These Bachelorette folks just pull musicians out the wood work!
*my two cents: Luke and Jordan the last two standing*

 
Date card #2 (group date):

Derek

James T

Daniel

Chase

Wells

Vinny

James F

Evan

Grant

Jordan

Robby
“We could go all the way” the date card says.
They head to Heinz field and hang out with Hines Ward and Bret Keisel and Ben Rolthisberger

They do football drills. James T (guitar dude) gets cut. They wrap his head like he’s in a MASH unit.

Jordan is the all time quarterback. He should be. He can actually professionally throw a football.

And Evan has a bloody nose again. I know y’all were all shocked. But he looked like he could catch a football. So he got a pass from me.

Play of the game… Derek takes away the football away and wins for the Blue team., which gets the team alone time with JoJo later in the night.
Robby goes in! Throws JoJo on the pool table.. Wutttttt… Do it then Robby.
The rose goes to…..

Jordan. The quarterback. JoJo REALLY like em. One of the final two for sure.
THE MAIN EVENT:

Alex (Marine) vs CHADDDDDDDD

Two men enter. One man leaves.

They should both just fight in the woods and throw boulders at each other, and fight with logs.
JoJo and the boys take a hike. Alex gets first crack at talking with JoJo. And talks about Chad. Ya know, instead of talking about being with JoJo… Alex decides to talk about Chad. Not a good move… Or so I thought…
Chad has his one on one. JoJo confronts him about threatening people.
“I mean, JoJo what do you want from Chad!” Wife yells.
WHY WIFE. WHYYYYY

 

Back to Chad and Alex.

“Life ain’t all about blue berries and paper airplanes,” Chad says.

Knowledge Chad. Drop that knowledge.

 

Alex wasn’t having it.
In the end… JoJo went with… Alex!

Chad fuming.
Back at the house some bearded dude takes Chad’s bag… Dudes in the house go bonkers. Like they won a world championship.
Chad is outside in the woods. This feels like a scary movie. It appears that Chad walks 4,432 miles back to the house, P-O’ed all the way there. I bet he knocked out about 300 push ups AND sit ups for every 10 miles.

Chad knocks on the door at the house… Guys inside are nervous…
We have to wait till June 20th.
LETS JUST CALL IT CHADS REVENGE.

Bachelorette episode 3, Part 1… Chad is raging, and takes my wife on an emotional roller coaster.

Opening scene. Animal house. We’ve all been there. Let move it on to….
“HEYYY CHADD.”
“He’s so hot,” says wife. Spoiler here.
Chad and Daniel having another bro moment. Talking calories, the whole nine.
Chris Harrison talks date parameters
First date card:

Chase

“Let’s get physical… Love JoJo.
Chad. Upset.

“He’s the hottest guy there,” wife chimes in. We.Get.It.
To the date between chase and JoJo

And it’s yoga… Not mad at it….

But it’s hot yoga.

Instructor starts saying…

“Hey”

“Hey”

“Hey”

Then what she says… Her words, not mine

“It’s kinda of like an anger-gasm.”

Got it.

More screaming while standing up… Or anger-gasm.
Back to the house. Daniel and Chad pumping iron. Like Venice beach style.
Annd…. Back to yoga

And JoJo has mounted chase. They are face to face. Someone burps. Could be a problem.
WIFE ALERT:

“That’s like the total opposite of what I want to do, because I don’t want you breathing on me .”
Then the kissing begins. Knew that was coming. Yab-Yum successful.

To the dinner date…

Chase came from a divorced family… He was eight.

“Marriage is forever,” he says.

And on cue. JoJo hands over the first rose of the night.

And magically… In the midst of trees and a perfectly lighted backyard.. Charles Kelly with a band. Just never know what’s outside. Hell, I may run outside tonight and see if I can find Chris Stapleton.

Date card #2 (group)

Jordan- Aaron Rodgers brother

Grant- “HEYYY CHADD”

Wells

James F

Christian

Daniel

Vinny

Nick

Evan

Alex

Chad

Ali
“I don’t want to go with 12 guys,” Chad says.
“You think she wants to have a whole day with you?” Jordan says.

 

Jordan continues:

“What ever team Chad’s on, hopes its a bench press contest and not a spelling contest,”
AHHHHH snap Jordan AKA Aaron Rodgers brother!!

Chad:

“You’re a 27 year old failed football player. You’ve done nothing with your life beside throw a piece of leather,” Chad responds.
Alex (the marine):

“There’s a solid piece of s$&$ right over here.”
Chad:

“And there’s a p$&@!” Over there.
If there could be a wrestling royal rumble, Chad would be alone. But Chad does what chad wants to do. And he walks alone (insert 80’s hero music).

The date group heads to a theatre, JoJo looks smokin.
They have to tell sex stories.

Chad ain’t HAVIN none of it.
But Evan…. Oh Evan… Is about to hate on Chad on stage. His bachelorette buddies are gonna let him walk on the plank by himself. God speed Evan. God speed.
GRANT THE FIREFIGHTER IS UP FIRST:

16 yrs old. He text a girl. Sleeping bags. Spotlight. Cops. He did the deed.
There’s a guy discussing an alphabet.
JORDAN:

man region joke
There a girl with a mustache joke
“There a guy with a fade, and I love him to!” Wife chimes in.

*sigh*
Cut to the main part:

Evan.. Bout to seal his fate… He drops the hate on Chad jokes:

“I want to tell the dangers of using steroids.

We get the danger of steroid overdose.”

CHAD IS ANGRY. REALLLLLY ANGRY.
GIVE CHAD A HAM AND ROAST BEEF PLATE STAT!!!!!
Chad of course rips Evans shirt as he walks down to the stage.
Chad then tries to kiss JoJo. NOPPPE. He throws the mic. CHAD NEEDS A HAM AND ROAST BEEF PLATE STAT!!!!!
He punched a door. Bro’s do that from time to time. You’ve seen it before.
“You’re gonna die,” Chad says to Evan.
Boys.. Y’all let him walk on that plank.
Chad then says after hands are bloodied:

“If I can’t lift weights,”

Of course he goes there.
GET CHAD A HAM AND ROAST BEEF PLATE STAT!!!!!!!
Group date guys hang out at night (most notables):

Jordan opens up… And lays a kiss on JoJo… Y’all know he’s not going anywhere. He will be there for the long haul.
Alex (marine)

“I’m ride or die” he says.
Chad tries to interrupt a one on one. Starts whistling and trying to mess up another dudes moment. Not cool.
AND WE HAVE A BREAKTHROUGH!!!!!
Wife: “I don’t like Chad anymore. I like the guy with the fade.”
That would be Vinny.
Chad then tells other guys, that he doesn’t start things he’s not a jerk
Wife: “Well Chad has a point.”
BREAKTHROUGH RUINED.
Evan is mad cause he shirt got ripped.

Chad tells Evan to stay away.
“I mean he hasn’t been looking for fights,” wife says.
BREAKTHROUGH IS DESTROYED FOREVER.

Date card #3 (one on one)

James T. (The guitar guy)

“Let’s kick it old school the note says.

Chad hate:

He says GRANT THE FIREFIGHTER looks like a sponge bob character.
Wife laughs:

“Hahaha Sqiudworth.”
BREAKTHROUGH IS CRUSHED TO OBLIVION.
Evan tells JoJo that if chad stays here, I’m leaving
“BYE EVAN! HEYYY CHAD!”
BREAK.THROUGH.GONE.TO ETERNITY.
“And she gave Evan a kiss on the cheek,” wife says… Meaning Evan’s out.
JoJo gives a rose to.. Wait… She pulls Evan to the side… Wife chimes in

“When girls talk to you in the past tense…”

And then JoJo shows Evan the door…. WAIT WHAT THE!?!?

EVAN GOT A ROSE!?!?!?!?!?!??!??!??!??
I proceed to get hit in the arm by the wife

“See! I told ya!”
CHAD NEEDS A HAM AND ROAST BEEF PLATE STAT!!!!
“Is this a real scenario right now!?! I’m just being curious right now,” Chad says.

“You’re actually vibing this dude right now?!?”
JoJo. Not feeling it.
Next day:

Guys are afraid to sleep in the same room with Chad. Alright guys. Let’s be serious. It is not that deep.
They hired a security guard for Chad. Once again guys. It’s not that deep.
Back to one on one date with James T.

Old school date. JoJo looks really good.

“She looks like Kelly Clarkson,” wife says.

So there’s that from left field.
Back to the date

There’s a lady named June. She can swing dance. She’s 92. And awesome.

And then we have a swing dance party outside. Just walk outside and folks are swing dancing huh? Got it.

James T and JoJo sit in a old school car and…

“Friend zone.com,” wife says.

Looks that way. Looks.That.Way.

James T has a moment. He was called Luke Longneck. JoJo laughed at him. Anyway, he goes into the ahh shucks I’m not the best looking guy deal. JoJo tells him that’s he’s a good person and what not. And shocker… He gets a rose. Well played James T. Well played.

And OF COURSE HE BRINGS OUT THE GUITAR. GUYS ALWAYS GET AHEAD WITH A GUITAR.

Back at the house

Daniel tells his bro Chad to tone it down.

Chad eats lettuce. The end.
Rose ceremony:

No cocktail party tonight. Right into the roses. But she wants an all day pool party.
Evan tracks Chris Harrison outside… And whines about his shirt getting ripped etc. Chris Harrison in no certain words said.. DUDE MAN UP!
Chris goes and talks to Chad… And Chad says he tried to push me. Daniel tries to take up for his bro inside the house. Chris Harrison tells Chad to go into the house to apologize not before

Saying…
“I’m gonna cut everyone’s heads and arms off and mess up this entire thing.”
CHAD RAGING. PART ONE IS OVER.

Mom, Dad, Uncle Marvin, and Ali

I was born in Louisville, Kentucky. Raised 24 miles south in Shepherdsville, Kentucky. To this day, I have family members who live in the heart of the Derby City. Outside of Kentucky and Louisville basketball, and horse racing, anyone close to the Louisville area couldn’t escape the presence of the “Champ.”

(Source: portrait photography)

Whether it was billboards, quotes, watching VHS tapes of his greatest battles in the squared circle, or adults explaining to me his importance out of the ring, “Champ” was everywhere throughout my childhood.

So after his passing late Friday, and after reading tons of articles, and re-watching YouTube videos well into the early morning Saturday, I called three people separately. All three were over the age of 50, that met him, and in their respective lives gave me insight into what “Champ” meant to them. My Mom, Dad, and my uncle Marvin:

 

 

*****************

The Meeting

 

Mom (came to Louisville in 1979):

“I was in my 30’s. I was at Nancy’s hair boutique off Naomi Drive. It was a strip mall, a grocery store, a barber shop, a wig shop. And actually you used to get your hair cut there. A bank sat on the corner. Gosh, Lilian Yarbrough was my cosmetologist at the time. I went there that particular Saturday, all the ladies were under the hair dryer, and all this commotion was going on outside. Horns sounding, people screaming. Everybody was happy. Nancy (who owned the boutique) knew him because she was known in and around the city as a business woman. I don’t know what was going on, but something was going on.
Throngs of people outside, it was about 10 AM on a Saturday morning. All these men, with these suits, and these two ladies were with him. People were coming out of the supermarket, you saw the limosesnes, women were coming out of their houses with rollers in their head. People screaming Cassius Clay! Muhammad Ali! These two ladies were with him, one caught my eye. She had a Queen Latifah, Halle berry (skin) tone.

One lady had a soft baby blue, two piece, Taylor made suit. She had on some real nice pointed toe pumps on, she just caught my eye. Shoulder length hair, pink lipstick. Fair, not light skinned, a shade darker than I am. He (Ali) came out of a car, suit coat, no tie, all kinds of body guards. He was true to form, picking up the babies, shuffling his feet, talking trash. The whole nine. It was really something to see.

He was very cordial.  I told Your Dad after the fact he was a nice looking man, but when I shook his hand they were small. And I remember when he walked by, he smelled really good.”

Dad (came to Louisville 1964):

“The gym ain’t even there anymore. Hell I was young myself. I believe it was on Grant and Cecil, or on Cecil, I’m not sure. I was 18,19, might have been 20. Me and Bill Jones (friend) would go around the gym because we wanted to see the other people training. Clay was older than me, and was training. I didn’t come here till 1964, it was some years after that when I saw him. He was sparring and stuff. He looked more like a kid, had that damn lip. You could could hear him over in the next ring runnin that damn mouth. Met him. He spoke to everybody. He’d wave at you. Everybody, different age groups. That’s when I thought I could box, until a guy named Marcus Anderson made me see blue stars (laughter). I knew his daddy better than him. He was a construction painter, painting signs, houses. You know, he’s the one that painted they house pink. I knew his daddy cause I used to run around with Johnny Page (cousin of Greg Page, former heavyweight champion, also from Louisville). His momma used to have a brick house around the Buechel area.

Never did see him anywhere else.”

Uncle Marvin (came to Louisville October 22nd 1972):

“I worked at Sears for two years, and then went to overnight (trucking service, later bought by UPS).

I had to deliver freight to UofL’s campus bookstore. As I drove up to the loading dock, I noticed a crowd of people. It was by the loading area, and you knew it was him. I saw people around, and thought it was Ali.

He was with Bundini Brown. Somebody else was with him passing out Quran books. He was signing autographs (on the Quran). It’s green. I still have it and he signed it.

Just small talk, and he was cuttin up. I stayed for about ten minutes. I’ll say it was ’80 or ’79. He was so sharp, quick-witted.

I was on cloud nine. I shook his hand, hugged him. He looked lean, fit.

He was a jokester.

A experience I’ll never forget .”

 

 

 

 

***************

The Fan

Uncle Marvin: “I was scared to death. I told people this, I said man, I love Ali to death, but he’s bitten off more than he can chew. My stomach was turning, I couldn’t eat nothing.

It was about right around midnight when the fight was shown at Freedom Hall. Me, Prince, and some of the guys I went to UEI trade school with went to see it.

Foreman was pounding ’em.  And I was screaming, get off the ropes! Get off the ropes! Made ’em punch his self out, and Ali went to work on ’em.

When he went down, it was loud. I ain’t ever went to a ball game that was that crowded. Shoulder to shoulder. I was so relieved.
That fight taught me a valuable lesson. Styles make fights. Ali was a thinking fighter.”

****************

The Decline

Uncle Marvin:  “It hurt me to my heart to see him fight Larry Holmes. Larry Holmes himself knew he had only a shell of a man. I bet ya right now, Larry Holmes regrets it.

I knew he shouldn’t have took the fight. I almost cried. That hurt me so bad. I loved Ali just that much.

Ali shoulda retired after the second Spinks fight.

When I heard the slur in his voice. When he fought in the Norton fight, I picked up on it then, I didn’t know what it was, he was just getting older, and then it came out that he had Parkinson’s.”

 

 

 

 

 

****************

The Man

Mom: “He was genuine, real human being. Even being a polarizing figure. Here was this black man, in the 60’s, who was strong in his convictions. He was controversial, but he believed what he believed.”

Uncle Marvin: “He epitomizes what a strong black role model is. I like him for his courage, what he was up against. He always trying to help folks. “

Mom: “Some white people didn’t know what to expect, and some black people were mad, because he converted to Islam, and many came from baptist church upbringings.”

Uncle Marvin: “I’ll be honest with you. If there’s a person that’s great, it’s Muhammad Ali. I think he’s the greatest ambassador for our generation. He did stuff that the president couldn’t do. He went overseas, brought peace everywhere he went. He’s the biggest figure I’ve ever known in my life. I looked up to him because I respect what he did for boxing and the whole world.”

Mom: “One word to describe him, bold.”

Uncle Marvin: “He’s an extraordinary man.

He’s the biggest figure I’ve ever met in my life. “

Bachelorette recap episode two

So here’s what I found out in the first episode…. My wife loves Chad or AKA “HEYYY Chad”

Other than that, everything’s a blur. So now on to episode 2 (hour one):
Chad (HEYYY CHAD) comes with the zinger with a drink toast in the morning…

“Beautiful girl beatiful life… F&$@ you guys Imma make her my wife.”
If this was Bad Girls club , boys edition, glass would be broken. And their would be blood. Lots of it.
So on to the group and one on one dates
First date card:

Luke

Grant

Will

Evan

Daniel

Vinnie

Ali

James F

Will

Robby
We’re in LA… There’s a limo on fire. CHASE says, “Is JoJo in there should I be a hero? Nah bro, just extinguish that weak one liner.
And then a 90’s pop hot girl music video breaks out… JoJo comes out of a fire truck with a hose and puts out the fire from the limo. So there’s that.
And to end the segment… Chad, sorry, “HEYY CHAD” throws out that everyone on the first date are “B” teamers. Got it.
Fire academy competition:

I know we have to have filler for what seems like a six hour show each week, but these have ZERO effect on who JoJo will choose, UNLESS YOU ATE A FIRE FIGHTER NAMED GRANT.
Wells looks like he’s about to lose his life, and about to pass out during the competition, and then Wells goes in with the “when I talk to you I feel like I’m gonna faint” one liners.
*sigh*
Back to the house:

James T. (The guitar dude) with a song that the rest of the dudes sing along to.

And Chad, sorry, “HEYY CHADD” puts things in perspective… With pure 100 percent hate.

I’m with Chad. This boy band song deal is worth the hate.
Back to firefighter competition:

GRANT THE FIREFIGHTER is In a competition with Luke and Wells to save JoJo from the top of a building:

1. Wells was done before this started.

2. Luke and Grant and going at it… In the end it was… GRANT THE FIREFIGHER. HES A FIRE FIGHTER. HE IS A PROFESSIONAL FIREDFIGHTER HE WAS GOING TO DO WORK! DUH!

And to add the icing on the cake… He carried her out of the building…. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Good stuff right there.

The guys head to a hotel and get to know JoJo… Starting with the FIREFIGHTER GRANT (GRANT WILL ALWAYS BE IN CAPS BECAUSE HES A FIREFIGHTER).

Here’s his chance to get the first rose…. And he gets some kissing action… Wutttttt….with the glass of champagne… Do you FIREFIGHTER GRANT. Do you. No rose though. YOU ATE STILL A FIREFIGHTER.

Back to the hotel. Wells gets the sympathy talk from JoJo and makes the most if it. Gets JoJo to laugh, he’s a Nashville DJ, he should be able to ad-lib right here. He has a blood hound named Carl. I’m done with him. Get rid of him now JoJo. Do it for humanity.

Luke gets some time and he should. War vet. He should go to the finals. Anywho, him and JoJo have some heart to heart with a Spanish guitar playing in the back. And then he goes in for the kill… Sometimes you just gotta go in and see what’s happening… First kiss complete.
The rose goes to:

WELLS!?!?!?!? Man… Didn’t see that coming… The DJ for the win.
Back to the house:

Derek gets the one on one date. JoJo driving an ol school whip (she does look pretty dang good by the way)… They hop on a private jet. And fly over San Fransisco and decide to check out the city. JoJo leans in for the kiss! Ok then JoJo…. Do your thing lady. They talk about past relationships… And then Derek says the usual “close myself off” spill… JoJo talks about Ben… In the end, Derek gets rose #2. Gotta a feeling he will be a fan favorite.
Back to the house:

This JoJo song the guys are signing is awful. And Chad (HEYYY CHAD) let’s his feelings known:

“Stay away from the nice guys.”

Daniel from Canada joins in on some bro love

There’s talk of a dude protein shake. Huh. They hi-five each other. I checked out for about 45 seconds after that to gather my thoughts again.
Date card #2:

Jordan

Christian

Nick

James

James T

Alex

Chad (shakes his head in agreement)
The date card #2 dudes head to LA Live and ESPN Studios and have some fun with the Sports Nation guys Max Kellerman and Marcellus Wiley in a game called Bachelor nation. Fun times. Dudes had to do dances.

And then…. Chad (HEYY Chad) just picks up JoJo… More hate from the dudes.

Chad to JoJo: “you’re starting off a little naggy here.” Chad is the best “heel” (means being a wrestling bad guy) in bachelor or bachelorette history. With that said… JoJo will keep him around FOREVER. She likes bad boys (her words not mine).

Later, Chad drops some real honesty… And tells the fellas, he doesn’t know if he wants to marry JoJo, because he doesn’t know her…. He gets points for that.
HOUR TWO

Date card group #2 continued… The Sports Nation guys did a list of their ranking of the guys:

3. Alex

2. Chad (he will continue to hate till eternity)

1. James T (the dude with the guitar… They always get ahead in life).
On to the nightcap with the Date card #2 guys:

James (the dude with the guitar) basically says he has a good heart and doesn’t work out. But loves to eat. He gets half credit from me for the eating part. Aight. Was waiting for him to break out his guitar. To no avail. But we did get a spoken word/song… JoJo cries… He goes in for a kiss…James T is winning right now.

Chad then dissects every dude on the date… I mean he should sign with WWE immediately. BUT….
he then gets his one on one time with JoJo…and says he has a Maltese puppy from his mom that died. Explains his “being angry” spill. Don’t want to wish tragedy on anyone. They both go to a wishing well… And she (you guessed it) swaps tongue with Chad.

The date card #2 rose goes to….James T. Guitar. Spoken word poem. JoJo cried. It was a slam dunk. Chad ponders why not me in his first person reaction.
Final Rose ceremony/ cocktail party:

JoJo gets out the limo and BAM! Chad has a glass of wine waiting on her.. And gets some extra one on one time… Well played Chad. Well. Played.
Obviously the guys are pissed and mad they didn’t think of it. So Alex (the marine) pulls Chad to the side and then the other guys confront him. Chad laughs while eating finger foods.
Chase then pulls JoJo to the side, and out of nowhere generates fake snow. He says he snowboards. Man, the bachelorette crew can make anything happen.

Back to the star of the show… “HEYY CHAD.”

He has a plate of food that I would be proud of. Nothing but meat. Wings, roast beef, ham, the whole nine.

“He would take an IV of meat if he could,” one contestant says.

So all the guys are super mad… And they all confront Chad.
“It was like watching west side story, a bunch of guys surrounding me,” Chad says… I laughed aloud.

Chad cuts Evan off from time with JoJo .. Evan is upset… So Alex (the marine) goes to confront Chad. Good stuff here.
“You think I’m scared of you bro?” Chad says…

“You’re a meltdown.”

Could a small fisticuffs ensue later in the season? Heck why not.
So we FINALLY (after 3,457 hours in this episode) get to the final rose ceremony

The final rose guys that will advance are:

James T (guitar dude)

Derek

Wells

Alex (the marine)

Christian

Robby

Luke

Chase

Jordan (Aaron Rodgers brother)

Grant (FIREFIGHTER)

Ali

Daniel (Chads bro)

James F.

Nick

Vinny

Evan
Final rose goes to (shocker):

“HEYYYY CHAD!”

Wife will continue to watch the show moving forward.
Episode 3 next week. TWO EPISODES. TWO NIGHTS. Peace out.