Trouble in Thailand

“What is going on,” the guys say, while on the Tarmac at the Rose Ceremony.
Me too. What is happening.
To the rose Ceremony:

Jordan

Robby

Chase
LUKE HE GONE.

DANG.

JoJo upset. 

“He’s like stunned,” wife says

I’m stunned. Stone Cold Steve Austin Stunned.

Emotional crying…. Wild.

She won’t let him get into the Limo.

“I miss you already,” Luke says

“I’m sorry,” JoJo says.

“Well if you were sorry you would have picked LUKE! GOOD DAY MA’AM GOOD DAY!” Wife yells.

Wife hot as a cayenne pepper on blacktop in the middle of July.

“I was in love with her. But I never got the Chance to love her,” Luke says in the limo.

That’s one hell of a line sir. With all that said, you’re looking at the new Bachelor.

Robby

Robby and JoJo hug at the market in Hua Hin Thailand. They eat stuff. Then a foot rub. Robby explains the ex girlfriend. She buys it. They kiss face.
They go to dinner… Robby pulls out a letter his dad wrote him. He gives it to JoJo just case she has “any doubts.” 
And here comes the Fantasy suite… And yup… he accepted.

Jordan

JoJo plans a hike. They pretend they climbed Mount Everest. Anywho… They go inside a cave.. Looked pretty cool. They can’t kiss inside the temple. 

“Jordan is that guy in college that you know is gonna cheat on you, but you hope for the best,” wife chimes in, eyes squinting with hate.

Dang wife. But then… JoJo ask

“Is this the right guy for me.”

Dang JoJo.

At dinner…JoJo and Jordan talk about the next year and what it would look like.

It’s almost like she’s feeling like he has big plans in the entertainment business… Hmm….

“I wanna spend the rest of my life with you,” Jordan says.

“Uhh, that’s what Ben told me,” JoJo responds.

Plan A didn’t work. Go to lay it on thick Plan B.

“Ever since I told you I was in love with you, when I think of that wedding date, I think about you.”

“He is running gammee,” wife says.

Ahem. Game recognizes game.

“Also ever since I saw him on Pitch Perfect Two, and he was in it, I knew that he just wants to be famous,” wife says… 

Maybe. 
He takes the Fantasy Suite. 

Chase

Rides up on a 2020 motorcycle… Cause they have those in the middle of nowhere within a beautiful country. Right.

Anywho… Chase picks up a large fish and almost gets a drop of blood in his mouth. JoJo and Chase laugh. Then play kiss face. 
Then they get on a boat. And chat on the beach. They toast… Then get into the water and play kiss face. Kiss face. Kiss face. Kiss face.

But during their date… Here comes Robby… What!?!

“I missed you,” Robby said 

Dang Robby you just gonna slide right into Chase’s date time? Dang it’s real right now. Everyone trying to get those final one liners in.

Chase and JoJo have dinner… He accepts the fantasy suite.. And tells JoJo he loves her. 

“I’m not feeling the way I should feel,” JoJo says.

It’s over Chase… Oover.

And it was. Shoulda kept that I love ya in the back pocket fella.

HE GONE.

And then there were two.

OR IS IT!?!?!?

BAH GOSH HERE COMES CHASE!!!!

(Had to channel my wrestling announcer voice).

“I care to much to let our relationship end the way it did,” Chase says.

“I’m proud of you, impressed by you, and I’m not mad at you.”

Chase basically wand a shot at love on the Bachelor. 

And one more time… HEEEE GONEEE.

Meanwhile… It’s 1,097 degrees in Thailand… Get these dudes in some AC… So give them the dang roses!!!!

She does. And we head to meet JoJo’s wild and crazy family
Jordan

Robby
A fight to the finish.

 

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Hometown visits

Chase:
They head to Colorado…his mom and dad divorced… JoJo will meet them separately.. In the midst of that talk… They lock lips.

“I feel like every time she ends a sentence with a guy one on one, it ends in a kiss,” wife says. I’ll take it. Least chad hasn’t came up in the first 6 mins of the show.

Chase’s dad meets JoJo. They chat. Dad has a heart to heart with Chase. Good talk. Good piece of video right here.

Chase then meets with his moms side of he family. There’s a baby with a fake mustache. Not mad at it. Sandy (Chase mom) loves JoJo.

JoJo and Sandy talk about the divorce, and how it affected chase. Mom gives reassurance.

Chase and Sandy (Chase mom) have a heart to heart.

“Momosa (like Mimosa) just want to get your feelings on things.”

“I just fell in love with him,” wife says.

AT LEAST CHAD HAS NOT BEEN MENTIONED THUS FAR.

Mom and Chase cry and talk about how awesome JoJo is. Another good moment here. Overall a good hometown trip

CP Grade: A

Jordan:

They go to his school Pleasant Valley. They kiss in the library. He shows her all his high school pics. They discuss Aaron Rodgers. Jordan and Aaron don’t get along. Finally a talk about the other brother that just so happens to be a Super Bowl winning quarterback and one of, if not the best QB in the NFL.

They meet the folks. Literally all the Rodgers boys look EXACTLY alike.

“This is the most vanilla season of the Bachlorette ever. I’m bored,” wife chimes in.

I’m reaching that level.

So… Mom and Jordan have a talk… Mom is great. The end . Meh.

CP Grade: C

Robby:

They go on a horse and carriage ride in Florida 

“There’s dolphins!” Wife says. “You know his show’s gotten bad when I’m excited about Dolphins.”

JoJo discusses Robby’s ex girlfriend, who he just broke up with three months ago. Something tells me JoJo’s spidey sense knows something is up with Robby and the ex. They talk about the ex, Robby reassures her, they kiss face.

“End a sentence. Make out,” wife chimes in.

They meet the family.. They eat… And the wife makes me burst out laughing:
“I LOVE that mom has a Tervis wine glass. Mom has TWO wine glasses.”

“They ALL are drinking wine out of Tervis cups!”

That sequence from her may have been the best non Chad thing of the season.

JoJo and mom have a talk about the ex girlfriend. Jojo tells mom that she’s falling in love with Robby…. But then….
Mom says robby’s ex’s roommate is saying he broke up with the girlfriend to get on the show. Chase is upset. He goes and talks with JoJo about the rumors. JoJo is confused. OH THE DRAMA!!

He tells JoJo that he will never speak to his ex again.

CP Grade: B

Luke:

They head to Burnet, Texas… Luke takes JoJo to a big cookout. There are 3,456 people there. JoJo was a little overwhelmed. 

Luke and dad talk about relationships

“Luke has an amazing head of hair.”

True that wife. True that.

They head to a hay sofa and have a heart to heart.

“This looks like one of those Tommy Hilfiger ads back in the 90’s,” wife says.

And then… She says…

“I think Luke is the one. I think I’ve may have been blinded by Chad.”

THANK GOODNESS HOLY CRAP SHE LOVES SOMEONE ELSE OTHER THAN CHAD!!! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

Could Luke be the one?

And then he drops the mic with a life size flower shaped heart, with candles leading to it in the middle of the country. 

This feels like an early 2000’s romance movie type scene.

And to put the proverbial Bachelorette icing on the cake. Dan+Shay. From the Ground Up. 

“This song is EVERYTHING.”

Yes wife. It is. 

One of the best home visits ever.

CP grade: A+

FINAL ROSE CEREMONY:
But WAIT… 

“JoJo. Can I talk to you for a second,” Luke says…..

“WHAT!???” Wife yells.

WHHHHHATTTT?!? I type.

They talk. Luke says, “I’m in love with you. That’s the only thing that’s been on my mind.”

Luke threw a Hail Mary at the last minute… Can he save himself!?!? THE DRAMMAAAA!!!!!!!!!!
To BE CONTINUED!!!!!

The worse episode of the season

“1. Luke has crazy eyes.””2. Alex is the same height as I am.”
Wife.is.back.
Alex gets the first date

“I gaucho on my mind.”
And then the guy proceed to hate on Alex for getting the one on one. Go figure.
While on the bus…

98 degrees/backstreet boys rendition. STOP now.
So Alex and JoJo dress up gauchos

“Do you Remember when gaucho pants were a thing?” Wife says.
Negative.
“You look like something like a Ralph Lauren model,” Alex says.
Huh.

Then, I saw a gaucho lay a horse down. And I thought he was about to make out with the horse. AND THEN HE DID MAKE OUT WITH THE HORSE.
This is getting bad. Real quick. 
And then….

“I feel like Chad would refuse to do this.”
WHY IS CHAD IN THIS!?!? WHY!?!?
Alex tells JoJo he’s falling in love with her. She clears her throat. And when they clear their throat fellas… It’s not good.

JoJo tells Alex… Goodbye.

Date Card #2

Jordan

“Let’s toast to love.”
JoJo And Jordan go to a vineyard and crush grapes. I never want to crush grapes with my bare feet. Then drink the foot wine. I can’t deal with it.
They later talk about family, and Aaron Rodgers. Jordan and his middle brother don’t talk much. Bummer. 
Date card #3

Chase

James

Robby

“Let our love soar.”
It rains so the guys stays inside and do silly things. 

James T tried to put 3,456 French fries in his mouth.

Then. A circle massage. Then charades.
This is the worst episode of the series to date.

And then JoJo dares Robby to strip down and run through the halls of the hotel.

This is… Very bad. Like historically bad episode. 
And then James T, continues to throw jabs at Robby… For zero reason. This. Is. A. Historically bad episode.
Not much else here… The group rose goes to Robby.
Luke and JoJo ride more horses… Whew… Had to fast forward… Just couldn’t bare it.
Final Rose Ceremony:

Luke

Jordan
Final rose:

Chase
James T… He gone.
Wasted two hours of my realty tv life I won’t get back. Sheesh. On to the family dates next week.

Buenos Aries Bachlorette 

Buenos Aires

JoJo and Chris Harrison have a heart to heart. She looks great in the red dress.

Wife: “That red dress is everything.”
Three dates

Group date

One one date

And a two on one date

Date card #1 (one on one) goes to:

Wells
Wells: “I’m the only guy that hasn’t kissed her.”

Wife: “Hahahahah.”

Wife is cold blooded y’all.
The guys talk for about 87 mins about why Wells hasn’t kissed her. This is a thing.
Wife: “this is weird.”
She’s not joking. There’s two naked girls in water in a ceiling, dunno what the hell is happening.

They call this performance art.

They attempt to kiss… Wells…Kisses her on the cheek.
Wife:”that was the most awkward kiss in the history of tv.”

“And I’m obsessed with that football players (Jordan) quads.”

WILL WE HAVE A NO CHAD TALK FOR ONE NIGHT? Let’s hope America.”
They both get in the ceiling of water… And alas, he kisses her. 

“Wells is not a good kisser,”

wife chimes in.
At dinner Wells talk about the ex. JoJo basically says that he’s in the friend zone. Y’all saw it coming. Wells goes home.

Wife: “did he just wipe away imaginary tears?”

Dang.

Date card #2 (group date)

Luke

Robby

Jordan

James

Alex
The dudes go around a entertainment district… James T (guitar dude) basically says he can’t compete at anything and that he looks horrible. Man up dude. 
So James T gets a kiss courtesy of a penalty kick from a soccer game.

And then the lame saying of the entire season:
James T: “I’m on the train to I love JoJoville.”
Nah. James T. Nah.
So Luke and JoJo have a deep kiss face session.
Wife: “they need Telenovela music here.”

“And you remember that Ricky Martin and Christina aguilera song, nobody wants to be lonely? That’s what should also be playing here.”
Wife on fire.
Then… James T comes at JoJo and tattle tells on Jordan… Over a card game. For real. 

“I feel like this season should be the season of hate,” wife says… 

Agree. Why hate on another man. Just do what you can do to be the last man standing. I digress.
So then JoJo confronts Jordan… About being Jordan Rogers…and it’s about a card game. A.CARD.GAME.
And then.. Jordan confronts James T…and rightfully so… Entitlement from a card game?!? Nah James T… Take your guitar and go home man.
At the end of the date… The rose goes to…Luke… He will no doubt be one of the final two.
Date #3 (two on one date)

Derek vs Chase
And we Tango. Both guys have zero clue what to do. Me either. If I were there and had to Tango, JoJo would be injured. I also just wrote that because I was completely checked out of that segment. Made no sense.
On to the dinner… JoJo has one on one’s with both guys… And in the end… CHASE GOT THE ROSE. UPSET OF THE SEASON SO FAR. WOW.
Wife: “WUTTTTT!!!”
Derek melts down in the van. Tragic.

Rose Ceremony (only three free roses):

Robby

Jordan
Final rose:

AND JOJO LEAVES… What the WHAT?!?

wife: “this is seriously like a Telenovela.”
She give two roses out.. One to Alex and the other to James T. 
Meh.
On to next week.

Four for Friday

Four things as we head into the weekend:

1.Auburn Panic Meter at 1,000

Look, I thought Jeremy Johnson would flourish in Auburn’s offense. Fell in love with a first half performance against Arkansas last year and, well you know the rest (at least til this point):

5 TD’s, 6 INT’s. Demoted to backup this week in place of Sean White, who like Johnson, had a number of accolades coming out of high school, including high praise from Trent Dilfer.

He has yet to take a snap in a college game, so to assume we know what the heck the young man will do, is crazy. For Auburn’s sake, here’s hoping it’s a positive performance against a Mississippi State team who’s quarterback is confident of generating offense Saturday.

2. Alabama Panic Meter at 1,000

Or so it seems. It’s safe to say the following will lead to a loss 99.9 percent of the time:

  1. Playing a quality opponent (Ole Miss)
  2.  Turning the football over 5 times.
  3. Shaky quarterback play till late in the game.

Alabama didn’t quit, rallying late in the 4th, with a chance to win the game in Tuscaloosa. Jake Coker will get the start Saturday against the Warhawks of UL-Monroe, with a trip to Athens looming. If you’re a Crimson Tide fan, there’s many questions left to be answered. Those questions will have to wait till October 3rd.

3. Must win for the Vols?

Tennessee had a big game two weeks ago against Oklahoma, and couldn’t find a way to put away a Sooner team that showed some mettle in rallying from a 17-3 deficit to win on the road. Last season against Florida, the Vols led 9-0 heading into the 4th. Treon Harris is inserted, and the Gators find a way in Knoxville.

The Vols need this win, the Bleacher Report thinks so as well.  Florida will rely on Will Grier who gets the nod, by default with the suspensions handed down by Jim McElwain earlier this week..

4. Empire

I watch a lot of awful, putrid TV. I LOVE reality everything on the tube. Every Real Housewives show, basically every reality show on E! You name the show, I’ve probably watched it. I also watch Empire. Yep, if you want to hate on the over the top, hip-hop soap opera, go ahead, not mad at ya. I still watch. Every episode. My better half doesn’t miss it live for anything. She has a running text commentary with a handful of her closet friends on Wednesday nights. I have a feeling Cookie Lyon and company aren’t going anywhere anytime soon. And yes. I’m OK with that.

Enjoy the weekend.

PUMP THE BRAKES

Week 1 is over. And as you SHOULD imagine, Overreaction is at a 100. Quick 4 downs on this Friday.

1st Down:

PUMP THE BRAKES.  From Jeremy Johnson and Auburn being the worse football team ever, To Ohio State being “overrated” (heard that from a caller on sports talk radio this week), To TCU not that impressive against Minnesota, you would think that week one was week 12 and we have our playoff teams set.

PUMP THE BRAKES.

You know nothing more than what you knew before kickoff last Thursday night. We all have ideas, but we don’t have enough of a sample size to know who’s headed where. So if Jeremy Johnson throws for 45o yds, 5 TD’s and no Interceptions against Jacksonville St, he’s back on the Heisman train? If Tennessee beats Oklahoma Saturday, they’re a National Championship contender? Jake Coker the second coming in Tuscaloosa? WE. DON’T. KNOW.

PUMP THE BRAKES.

No one even in the conversation for a Final Four berth has a loss, and even if they lose between now and week 5, said team is still in the conversation. All together now….

PUMP THE BRAKES.

2nd Down

Because teams in the conversation had a close win in week one, that means that they aren’t good or their opponent isn’t good? TCU played a quality Minnesota team Thursday  night. Probably the best defense they will face all season. If Minnesota goes on to play for a Big 10 Championship, then the “well I didn’t know Minnesota was that good talk” will begin in late November/early December.

Auburn plays a quality Louisville team. Jeremy Johnson throws three bad interceptions. Even Gus Malzahn says Johnson was greedy trying to make some “splash” plays. So that means that Johnson is the worse QB in the country. Sure.

Ohio St trails 17-10 at the half. OMG! They should be unranked! They’re not as good as we think! Further analysis says the Buckeyes were a holding call away from leading 21-0 and completely blowing out the Hokies. In the first half. After the half, Ohio State flexed, Braxton Miller showcased another weapon for Urban Meyer, and, well you know the rest.

Teams that play other teams that have quality players will be better for it late in the season, than those that want to play teams they have no business playing. What good is it doing for Program X to play FCS Z and win 100-6? That’s unless you root for Wazzu. Then, you got me there.

3rd Down

True Freshman. Ballin. From christian Kirk at Texas A&M, to Mr. Rosen’s performance, to the lone bright spot for Texas in week 1 , true freshman are slowly becoming then norm, and making impacts for programs across the country. Cool to see, how coaching staff’s are getting these youngsters on campus in the spring, or during fall camp, evaluating how they can impact a game, and then watching the youngsters go to work. Look for more guys to show up on your radar in the coming weeks.

4th Down

Pick Time….

Michigan State over Oregon: East Lansing will be bonkers, Connor Cook will have a great senior remembrance game, and a running back will emerge for the Spartans en route to a win. NEITHER team is eliminated from the CFB Playoff with a loss.

Tennessee over Oklahoma:  I want badly to pick Oklahoma, and It wouldn’t surprise me if the Sooners win going away, BUT Butch Jones (one would think) is due. He’s had some heartbreaking loses in his tenure on Rocky Top. Alvin Kamara and Jalen Hurd won’t hurt matters  either for the Vols.

 LSU over Mississippi St: The Bayou Bengals could be the most talented team from top to bottom in the SEC not named Alabama, and I believe Brandon Harris will show that he has the right stuff to lead LSU to a win. Much like Tennessee, Leonard Fournette doesn’t hurt matters, along with a insanely talented front seven.  Not having Jalen Mills hurts but the Tigers have enough to win  behind what could be one of the best offensive lines at the end of the season in a entertaining game.

Enjoy week two. And Remember…

PUMP THE BRAKES.

FINALLY

It’s here. Well, almost. The college football season . Game week. The kickoff for the 2015-16 (FBS) season begins Thursday. If you love the college game, a must have during the summer:

Phil Steele’s College Football Preview magazine.

It’s become the go to for all your college football info prior to the season.

I reached out to Phil earlier this month to talk. We chatted via phone, and as you would imagine working in Huntsville, a lot of the questions were SEC-centric. But we also dove into Ohio State, “surprise” teams in the SEC and a “sleeper” that could crash the four team playoff and become a National Champion.

It’s Monday. Work is overrated. Wet your football appetite just a little more.

Take a listen:

Odds and Ends:

—The College football season actually got underway between two powerhouses in FCS. Kinda like that Bob Stitt guy.

—Just seeing Jim Harbaugh, khaki’s and all, on a college sideline again, is good for the game. Should be a rocking atmosphere at Rice-Eccles Stadium Thursday.

— TCF Bank Stadium will be a great atmosphere, at least early. TCU, with their #2 ranking facing a Gopher team that has took on Jerry Kill’s hard work, grind em out type personality. Media experts think this is his best team… we’ll see.

—My alma mater, Western Kentucky University, has one of the best quarterbacks in the country, and will try to knock of Vanderbilt, who needs, REALLY NEEDS to win this game. SB Nation does the best it can to try and talk Vandy fans off the ledge heading into the season.

—TCU, Baylor, and Oklahoma St are getting the headlines in the Big 12 this off season, but, I personally like Oklahoma. Glad that that Bob Stoops is getting back to the air raid, that got the Sooners on the map early in his tenure. Some new offensive lineman will need to get adjusted, but Baker Mayfield threw it around the yard at Texas Tech as a Freshman, and should (I know, he hasn’t played in a year) thrive in the offense under new Offensive Coordinator Lincoln Riley. And if for nothing else, he can move a little bit, well, a lot.

—Excited to see UCLA’s first year starter.

Picks and more picks:

Alabama over Wisconsin:

Defense rules the day for the Tide. Badgers will have less the 200 yards of offense. It only gets interesting if Alabama’s (insert here) QB struggles.

Auburn over Louisville:

The Cards shouldn’t be measured on this game. Louisville will have a good year. No clue who gets the start for Bobby Petrino, but it won’t matter. Auburn comes out smoking, with the the way-to-early-send-him-to-New-York-now Heisman hype in mid season form for Jeremy Johnson by the half.

Notre Dame over Texas:

Under the lights in South Bend, this is Brian Kelly’s best team with the Irish. Malik Zaire will have his growing pains throughout the season, will it be enough to derail some playoff aspirations? No clue there, but he should play well enough Saturday, along with a elite offense, and a defense that will hound Longhorn quarterbacks Tyrone Swoops/Jerrod Herd all night. BUT… if Swoops/Herd come out hot, The Irish haters may have some added ammunition by midnight Saturday.

Ohio St over Virginia Tech:

Urban Meyer could suspend whomever. They win the game. The Hokies will make it entertaining in spots, but it reminds me of the last time a #1 ranked talented team came to Blacksburg.

Texas A&M over Arizona St:

A sleeper in the SEC, Stewart Mandel picked the Aggies to win the league. The game Saturday in the desert won’t have anything to do with that, but could show that the Aggies have the right guy at Quarterback (Kyle Allen) and an improved defense and/or scheme (John Chavis). The Sun Devils will bring pressure from everywhere… If Allen gets it out of his hands, he may have 450 plus through the air. If he doesn’t Kevin Sumlin’s prized recruit of 2015 may be the answer sooner rather than later.

My Final Four Picks:

(1) Ohio St     Vs (4) Notre Dame

(2) TCU          Vs (3) Auburn

National Championship:

(1) Ohio St Vs (2) TCU

Winner: Ohio St

Enjoy the games this week. Football is back. Football. Is. Back.